Mean muthafucking chili crab!!!

So you might've heard I ran all the way down south to our neighbouring country so I could catch Lady Gaga live in concert last week. I have to be honest that I had a blast! Never in Bolehland would we get to go gaga over Lady Gaga's perky bottom on stage. So the money spent, time wasted, sweat shed and feet ache were all worth it. The crowd may be kiasu and Lady Gaga may be late but she brought the house down. There was no doubt about that. My only regret was being too naive to trust concert organizers when they said cameras weren't allowed into the arena. I walked in and saw every other person with a camera as big as a bazooka, while I had to settle with shiteous quality videos and pictures. FML. Never will I buy into that shiz again. Or maybe I should invest in a phone with mucho better quality camera functions??

I'd like to share my favourite video from the night. I like it mostly because it sounds way better when she talks than when the music is blaring off the speakers. Yes, did I mention my phone's camera suck? Here's Lady Gaga buttering up to her fans in Singapore.





Got to spend some time catching up with friends in Singapore and they were all lovely. Couldn't be more thankful and happier for their company!! Will be treating them very well whenever they're here in town. I took part in Singapore's national sport and bought some stuff too. Not crapload of stuff but some stuff which I can't get in KL. They're either too fugly or expensive here. I've had some pretty good food too. I'm beginning to think Singaporean food actually do NOT suck. It was probably just silly lil' me not knowing where the good stuff are. Was having some drinks with friends at Vista Bistro out at the East Coast when this local duo decided to cover Lady Gaga since she was in town. They were pretty good, although I find the singer was a tad too syok sendiri. LOL.





Now I'm thinking where my next vacation spot will be. Maybe Manila?

Keep it cool, what's the name of this club?

Nothing cures a twisted mind like moshing to the tunes of one of today's hottest pop act. I was semi-devastated just 2 days earlier, as reality started to sink in. My trip down to Singapore to catch Lady Gaga live was probably never going to happen. Thank goodness I still have someone who loves me enough to go with me. Finally we started to make it happen yesterday. Haha! I'll never forget how kind my brother was when he accompanied me to watch Crossroads (starring the legendary Miss Britney Spears) when I was in secondary school. Yes, terribly embarassing for him but it meant the world to me because I'm so in love with Brit Brit. How could a true fan miss her starring debut? Anyhow, history is repeating itself as my brother stepped up again while I had no friends who are happening enough to go gaga with me. Or maybe he was trying to get lucky with Singaporean girls in the moshpit? I gotta give credit to the guy. He's got taste. There probably wouldn't be Ahlians hanging around at Fort Canning Park next Wednesday.

I'm so stoked and cannot wait for the day to come!! Sitting around wishing and cursing Lady Gaga for not coming over to our shores is not an option. We Malaysians know better. I'm already thinking about what I should wear to the concert. I'll probably start packing 2 days before going off. Yes, I'm that excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now that I have something really awesome to look forward to, my thoughts are not as sad anymore. I realised that my mind's been kind of mundane since Jac's wedding. Am I missing something here? I hope not. It gives me chills to think I've become an obsessive compulsive organiser/busybody/nosepoke of some sort. Shiver me timbers. I need help. Maybe seek medical help? Yeah, I'm so going to get help tonight. I'll be here: http://www.zestpj.com/uncle-chillis/ruban-md-nurses-nite-6-aug/. See ya?

Geek in the pink

I sooooo want these in my wardrobe!!!!!!!!!

Trans-parent

Below is a SMS conversation between me and the boyfriend just a minute ago, as I was fuming mad over another matter. I love the fact that he made me smile with his attempt at making silly jokes.

Bf: Who is Transformers parents?
Me: Wtf?
Bf: Guess la...
Me: *types in question on Google and finds answer*
Me: Transparent. I love Google!
Bf: T_T
Me: Haha! Stupid. Thanks for making me smile dear. Muaks!
Bf: Muaks!

We're both trying to find a place in the sun

I miss being half naked under the sun, while exposing myself to the risk of getting skin cancer. Nothing puts me at ease more than falling asleep while listening to the waves crashing to the shore. I desperately miss that feeling.

My depressed mood seems unwarranted, especially when I find myself at lost while trying to search for the root of cause. But I sure can't deny I'm way down low, as opposed to the the great feeling of being on top of the world. How can one feel so pressed when there is no oppression exerted? At least there aren't any visible signs that may trigger my stress alarm. I might be giving myself more stress as I struggle to find an answer that may not exist.

Gotta give Stella a call. Need me some tips on how I can get my groove back.

Fly me to the field

I want to run freely, darting through the fresh and colourful blooms
Have dirt all over my feet
Flowers and grass all over my hair
Breathing in the cool and crisp air
Without a single knot left untangled in my mind
I want to be at that place
Where love is abundant
Where I can lose track of time

Cleaning up my act

Last weekend, I achieved a task that had initially been declared as already R.I.P. *cue tragic violon music* Who would've thought a couple of wise words from a Feng Shui Master can turn things around completely? My parents came home inspired by his wise words but of course, my mom went to work immediately, i.e. getting rid of the clutter in the house. Somehow that got me started too.



















This is how my room looks like on normal days. By normal I mean pre-spring cleaning. Don't be deceived by the clean-looking marble tiles. There's actually dust piling up everywhere. EVERYWHERE...




















That's the hallway right in front of my room. The luggage bag's been there since end April. I know, it's not thaaaaaat long right? But yeah, I can be a total slob. Just look at that big basket of clothes!




















The first thing I ever found once I got down to work was a pile of moolah. I love finding long lost hidden stash of money! This should happen every single time I clean up my room. Then I'd clean up more frequently.
















I had no heart to throw this box of goodies away. There were lovely birthday and greeting cards from friends and the boyfriend *hugs*
















I found this gift box from Louise and can't help but post it up for some laughs. That woman actually took the trouble to scribble all over the damn box. Got it for my 21st birthday, btw.




















Oh hell yes I'm ashamed. I threw out lotsa stuff. Many of them were not photographed as evidence *hangs head low*
















Though externally my room still looks similar to the "before" shot, it has very much less dust. I'm breathing in cleaner air while I sleep now. And there are less junk within those cabinets. That pink tube-looking thing at the corner is my yoga mat which had been banished into the dark ends of the store room for quite some time. It shall be revived from now!




















Dear Yoga Mat, don't you worry. I won't be leaving you alone in that stinky, dark store room anymore. I'll have you right here in my bedroom, where I will lay you down on the floor and you will have me spreading myself all over you and we will get sticky and sweaty together more and more from now.

Farah's Surprise Birthday Party

Sorta kinda failed upon us because her car wouldn't start this morning and she had initially wanted to take an emergency leave. WTF. But in the end she came and we all still had a jolly good time lepaking, although the plans didn't go as smoothly as we had planned earlier.



















With birthday girl & the glaring pink birthday card I made. ZOMG I look so fat here!




















All the homemade spread. I woke up at 5.00am to fry those damn noodles. KNN. Never have I been so prompt to leap out of bed after the alarm bell rang once. I didn't even hit the snooze button like how I usually do. My colleagues then remarked that I should cook for them everyday. MCH. Kena insult kau kau.




















Since I've just cleaned my room+stuff, I found a lot of stuff which I had otherwise forgotten that I owned. Wore a pair of peeptoe pumps I bought from Singapore last year. And true enough, I was clearing the shoe cabinet and was surprised to find a few pair of shoes I never remember I had. Found these kitty cat earrings too so I was rockin' 'em today. Meow!!

Have no idea how to end this post so imma leave you with a totally random and wtf picture I took while leaving the pasar malam earlier tonight. Will you go have coffee/tea here?

Lazy friday

The only major task I've achived today was sending over my list of job responsibilities to my boss. I've spent a major part of the day reading and skimming through blogs. The bosses won't be very happy about this when they find out. But it's all part of keeping up-to-date and that's uber important for a Marketing Communications person, no? I should put that into my list so that I can get away with it if I ever get caught in future. Talk about irony.

I have a list of "Top 3 things in my mind right now".

1) I want need an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini. Saw Miranda Kerr in a really cute piece on Victoria Secret (got sale sommore!) but shipping to this part of the world is a bitch so I'll just try my luck looking around kay el. Bet I'll be forced to settle with a normal yellow two-piece, considering the unimpressive fashion sense most of us here in this city have. Yuck!

2) I want need a super cun gold metal belt. This one that Leng is rocking is pretty much what I'm looking for. Too bad it's from her personal closet :(



















3) I hate to admit this but need a good eye cream to erase fine lines (and actually works!). Yes, I've come to that stage. Bleurgh... Part of growing up sucks because we grow old. Should I get that tube from Kiehl's? Or does anyone have any other good recommendations?

It's really quiet here at the office/school. The kids are off for summer hols. Mahem, summer all year long in Malaysia not enough ah? Must take summer break also? How much more cruel can the management be when they create a system where admin staff have to still come back to work as usual when the rest of the school is flying off to various parts of the world. Damn them. They aren't helping much by bragging about the vacations on Facebook.

I miss my boyfriends. Yes, barely 2 months here and I've already indulged myself into relationships with eligible expats. Well, self-proclaimed relationships anyway. But I could never resist. They're cute, single and blonde. One's called Frederick and the other is James. Here's a photo of me with Frederick. I hope his mommy and daddy won't discover my blog and storms into the office to chop off my head. I'm not trying to sell this adorable little piece of chubbiness!!



















I have another picture of my with James but it's in my phone and computer at home so I can't post it. This predicament shall not arise again once I've gotten my iMac next month. There'll be Bluetooth on that white piece of erm, machine. Yay!! And camera as well so I might post more camwhoring pics in the future and blog about what I wore on a particular day =) I sound so fashionable out of a sudden. Haha!

We're gonna have a potluck party next week at the office for no particular reason. Prolly to make ourselves feel better since we're mistreated and having to work while the rest are vacay-ing away. But we're celebrating someone's birthday in advance too. Couldn't do it on the actual day on Tuesday since there are people going on a vegetarian fast on Tuesdays. Still pretty awesome to have parties, nonetheless. Especially when you don't actually need a reason to have one.

The clock on the bottom right of my screen says it's time to go home. And that's exactly what I'll do. Especially after sending a long text message to Debs for the names of Victoria Secret stuff I want to buy. They're having a sale!!! If lady luck smiles at both of us, then I'll be able to strike Item 1 off my aforementioned list. And then some. Cya!

Fire in the hall

I got all riled up this morning while driving in my car, on my way to the office. The morning deejays from the station which claims to have the best variety had been discussing about females turning 30, because one half of the duo is celebrating her birthday sometime this weekend methinks.

I was particularly interested in this topic because a friend had just recently celebrated her 30th birthday and boy, it was such a milestone for her. I bet it's gonna be a big emotional rollercoaster ride for me too when my time comes. But I'm not gonna spend my time right now thinking about the unevitable. I'm not even halfway there yet.

What got me ticked off was when the deejays called up some local female celebs who obviously had gone through the 30-leap and talked about their experiences - Joanne Kam was just hitting all the wrong notes, let me tell ya.

She threw out a bunch of standard templates, which included statements like "Young girls in their 20s are needy, immature and insecure because they call up their boyfriends 24 times a day just to check up on them", "Women in their 30s are at the peak of their glory and men lurrveee OLDER women", yada yada yada. Stuff to make older women feel good despite their age, ya know?

Firstly, what gives her the bloody right to proclaim on national radio that all young girls are needy and call up their boyfriends 24 times a day? Does she think that just because she THINKS women in their 30s aren't that needy, that just automatically makes younger females needy and desperate?

Secondly, boys love to fuck. Boys who fuck older women probably are just searching for a different taste in their sex life. Same goes for boys who fuck younger women... They probably had been laid by an older woman before and they move on to younger conquests. Variety is the spice of life, eh? So it doesn't matter if guys like to fuck younger or older women. Both sets of women have guys to sleep around with. Just because you are deliriously happy to still get laid after hitting 30, it doesn't mean younger girls don't have guys to please them either.

Thirdly, methinks these people are too fascinated with SATC and all the other cougar-type drama that they think they can score a hot Kirby lookalike, and live happily ever after together forever. It's not like I don't wish for Kirby to fall onto my lap, but come'on lah... Turning 30 doesn't automatically make you a hot cougar and all younger men will bow down to your feet. Some women may have that sorta luck, especially on television, but not all. Not all young girls deserve the men they want too. There's no need to stereotype women in their 20s nor 30s.

This morning did not start on a good note. The old aunty in the office is not helping either. She's the only person who's capable to bring my anger level up to the max here. Even the screaming kids don't manage to shake my mood one bit. I'm just glad it's the end of the week and I'm leaving the office early today. Imma chill...

Mmm, mmm... Good!

I can't stop fantasizing thinking about Shia LaBeouf after watching Transformers. I've liked him before but now it's turning into what happened right after I watched Jason Mraz live. On a totally random note, I think LaBeouf and Mraz kinda look alike. Hmm... Maybe that's why!

With my daily reading of perezhilton.com, LaBeouf does sound like some sort of LaDouche. But who am I to judge? It's not like I know him personally. But the fact that he had seen his mom naked before and thinks she's the sexiest woman alive and witnessed his parents do the nasty does sound kinda effed up. Hence the douchery and future trips to rehab, psychiatric office and what not.

He's mentioned before that his manly bits ain't well-endowed. Judging from this picture, I think it's not too bad. I'd still hit it. But who knows if they did what underwear ad models do *stuff padding* cough cough *to look stiff*

tonight tonight

I'm ready to be blown away. For those "film critics" who think this movie is bad, perhaps you should've spent your precious RM10 and 2.5 hours watching The Queen or The Curious Case of Benjamin Button instead. It ain't a movie with much depth, but who cares? Everyone's happy as long as the effects are awesome and Megan Fox is given so much screen time prancing around in her tighties. The movie is gonna be all about her and I ain't complaining. She brings out the wolf in every dick and butch in every pussy.

Take my jacket off

I'm trying to figure out how I can make myself sit up straight and slowly pen down my thoughts.

I can't.

Lately I've been getting only half the amount of sleep my body really needs. I'm don't even need to blame it on the new job. Today's the end of my third week and it's still fine. But these few weeks has been kinda hectic. Two close friends are getting married in July, (well, one's already married but having her big fat Indian wedding back home in Malaysia) and helping to plan stuff for the brides has made it seem like I have faux happening social life. There's always somewhere to rush off to and something to be done after work. Thank goodness I get off work at 5pm. No thanks that my workplace is so far from everywhere else. I'm not complaining, nor blaming the brides. They're awesome friends. I just couldn't imagine what it would be like if I was the one getting married. How can you plan for a million things to happen at the same time, as per the way you wanted it? There you go, the perfectionist in me bursting with rage.

Luckily there's always helpful friends around. First hen's night will be later in the evening. Can't wait to meet up with my girls. I've already got a hot dress on underneath my bulky jacket. Can't blame me for covering up. The air-conditioning's a bitch and I can't risk looking indecent in front of young kids.

Second one is happening next week. Wouldn't really call that a hen's night. Bridal shower would sound more appropriate. Lotsa nice, relaxing moments when us girls get beautified with manicures, pedicures and rubbed down with massages. Bliss. I hope the manicure can stay decent enough at least till the first wedding dinner. Their wedding ceremonies are the other way round. I don't think I'm ladylike enough to keep the nails looking nice till the big fat Indian wedding.

For now, I'll just enjoy one celebration at a time.

Second thoughts on my dream men

Oh me oh my, I know I've said in the past that I didn't care that this man is 20 years older than I am. But now I have to eat my own words. He's definitely not aging gracefully. I mean, he has a LOT of money in his bank account. Why not do something about the face and hairline? It doesn't have to be botox, just something! Anything!!

















I'm by no means trying to sound homophobic. I'm just saying that my chances are much bigger if only Darren Hayes was interested in screwing pussies.

















Oh Hugh, you know I'm totally dreaming that you're, erm... huge. So why the hell are you giving it to this ol' granma? I'm positively sure I'm 100x hotter than her. You gotta try me to believe me. Bring it on, huge Hugh

My new beginning

This will be the road leading to my brighter future, starting from 1 June 2009 onwards. Wish me luck!

Walking out with a straight face

Help, my nose is falling off!

I've put myself under house arrest since Wednesday. But I did go into the office for a short while though. I felt bad for not having lunch with a colleague who's not gonna be around when I'm no longer around. But I can't help it when my fever's hit 39°. I.NEED.REST. Lots of it. Thanks goodness the fever's subsided and I can actually sit up straight now.

Yesterday, I perspired like I've never before. I never knew I could produce that kind of mind-blowing amount of sweat. My t-shirt was soaked like I just walked in the rain and my bed looked like a dog jumped on it and peed all over. Even the pillows weren't spared. I've got everything out under the sun today. I'm still feeling kinda woozy from the meds. But I'm happy just 'cause I still have the energy to type. Although whatever's typed out here will end up in the GIBBERISH category.

I want to eat Nasi Lemak, Curry Mee and fried chicken gizzards. But looks like I'm gonna have to lay off these stuff for a while. I really don't need another aunty asking me if I have H1N1 in an elevator full of strangers. Can you believe how dumb some people can get sometimes? Geez...

Ashley's Guide to Pest Control

Step 1: Analyze trails left behind by the animal. If there's poop, it means there's food for it in your house. It can survive for a certain period of time. And if you find poop with yellowish liquid which dries up to be yellowish powder, it's confirmed you have a monitor lizard around.

Step 2: Look out for trail marks which may possibly look more of a snake's. It's actually from its tail. Leave some non-drying coloured liquid around for it to step on, if possible. It helps a great deal when you need to figure out it's hiding spot.















Step 3: Call 999/994 or your nearest Jabatan Pertahanan Awam office. They're available 24-7 and they'll come equipped to help get rid of your pest problem. Just remember to let them in the house with their heavy boots on. Next thing you know, you'll have your house all to yourself again and not having to share it with some lost wild creature.






























p/s: No way in hell would I even think about boiling this thing in soup and savouring it. Bleurgh!!!

Seeking higher powers, reading between the lines

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
Now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment baby sing with me
We're just one big family
And It's our God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

So I won't hesitate no more, not yours
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Scooch on over closer dear
And i will nibble your ear

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what I'm be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours
Please don't, please don't, please don't
There's no need to complicate
Cause our time is short
This oh this this is out fate, I'm yours!

Bird with no feet

I'm without a resting place. Stuck between two places, not knowing where and when to land. I'm beginning to feel tired. I can't flap quickly enough to stay afloat anymore. I just need to settle down and find a nest. But who can help me answer this GODDAMN question: Do I go LEFT or RIGHT?

A new beginning

I thought the last template I had was perfect. Alas, some bug hit the code and here I am with a new template. I've never been used to changes, but this wouldn't be the only change I'm undergoing in the span of the next few days. More will be unveiled soon... when the time is right.