Those moments when I never knew better

As I sat in the same cafe waiting for my order, I had a sudden rush of deja vu. Thoughts of how it all started came rushing through my veins. It was on 23 February 2007, I sat in the very same cafe and had my dinner while waiting for him to arrive. I didn't sit at the same table this time. Did not order the same food. But I remember waiting for him to arrive at KL before I made my way to meet him at the bus station. And I remembered my drink. It was a chai latte. When it was time to meet, I downed my last sip before paying the bill and took the train down one station.

He arrived late that night.

"Sorry, I got off at the wrong station."

I laughed at him for confusing the names and got off at the wrong stop. Then we both waited miserably for the bus to arrive. I never knew then he would look at me as a whole new person. I never knew he thought I looked like a lady that night. It was 4 hours of endless and uninterrupted conversation that kept us awake throughout the nearly 400km ride. Seemed like too much is never enough. We kept on talking till near the break of dawn after arriving at our destination. We just couldn't stop. I never knew they could tell that he had feelings for me by then. Only thing I remember was how I tried to brush off the lovey feeling at the time when he offered to carry my stuff. Who knew the feeling stuck on until we came back to KL? And it grew so much till I couldn't take it anymore. I had to let him know. But I can't. I'm only a girl. I always wait for the guy.

I remember turning my head over to the side and looked at him sleep during the ride home. I felt like a shy little school girl with a crush on her schoolmate. The crush developed into something else when I got home. He was stuck in my head and wouldn't go away.

What we have now happened quite quickly. But only because we have mutual attraction. The guy finally opened his mouth and told me the right words. I remember the nights when we would talk endlessly on the phone and needed no sleep. Only met each other once a week when weekends would come and go too soon. Him smiling like a 5-year-old kid in a candy shop after he held my hands for the first time, after he gave me a peck on my lips for the first time. Sweet sweet memories that I will cherish for a lifetime. Looking forward to more sweet memories to be ours.

Langkawi Killed My Joy

So diu. Cannot go shopping for cheap stuff this weekend. Never mind. I'll go for the next Shopaholics Party next week. Hmph!!

My Swelling Pride

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

Humans were never made perfect, and I'm only human. The girl in the mirror is one cunning and selfish bitch and I don't like what I see. I know she's got many tricks to manipulate people to get what she wants but sometimes I let her be. But she's beginning to go too far. Thank goodness for him being a solid rock or else she would've fallen apart. She is me. It's my call now to not take things for granted and save myself from a lifetime of loneliness.

Another friend of mine is going to work away from the country. Not too far, she's just going to Singapore. We had a farewell dinner + yumcha session last Saturday. She was close to tears by the end of the night as it would be last time she'd meet us for quite a while. At least more than half a year. Dinner was at Tony Roma's, The Gardens. The waiting list was horribly long but the great food and service made up for it. We had the best chicken dishes and can I mention even the broccoli was super delicious? In a way it's the last supper for me 'cause I started my detox plan yesterday. More on that later.

Stories of friends going away always make me curse silently, or rather inside my head. I want to work outside of the country too!! But it's always easier said than done. There's the fear of going on the Internet to look for job opportunities and fear of submitting my resume. And what if no one ever picks up my bloody profile? After all, I've never heard of friends securing a job overseas without connections. It's so cool and melancholic to be working alone in a foreign city and only depending on yourself while you're struggling to fit in. Sounds like my biggest fear but I'd love to live that life. If all fails I still have a home to come back running to.

It's Day 2 of Detox and I just had the worst abdomen pain in my life ever. Period.

No pun intended.

The most luxurious food I've had was last night's soup. Did not even touch the chicken to boil the broth. I brought a bagful of apples for these few day's lunches. I'm gonna die when I touchdown in Langkawi by the weekend. There'll be free food at the resort, duty free chocoloates and booze but I can't have any!! I don't really feel hungry and it's been okay. Except for lots of gas releasing last night and the excrutating moment I had just now. It felt like my intestines were grabbed with two hands and yanked down to rip 'em apart. And I thought I needed to puke. I was immediately drenched in sweat because of the pain. Couldn't even stand straight. Thank goodness the pain went away and I'm doing fine now. I would not want it to come back. I nearly gave up. I just need to make it through the week...

Not quite back on track

I disappeared from the face of the earth for just one week, and look what happened! KLIA got robbed and we all found out that it actually has sucky security (God, how do they manage to win best airport for so many rounds?). Beyonce and Jay-Z had a secret wedding and Asslee Simpson got engaged with Pete Wentz... Do they wait till I'm away to do all these?

I've been home since Monday and I'm only going back to the office tomorrow. I really needed to bum around for a little bit. It's been chaotic at the island. There were more joy than pain but the damage caused by one single mistake was quite severe. I'm not quite worried because it's not my fault or the team's. But it's just so annoying because we have to clean up after someone else's mess. I guess I'll only know what's really gonna happen when I step in tomorrow. *fingers crossed*

If you're wondering what I was up to in Tioman for over a week, me and a few of my colleagues were actually there for a photoshoot. We desperately need new pictures for the resort. And my my... A photoshoot does not come easy at all. Thank goodness for the helpful guys. We were practically running around the place like maniacs. We'll be at whole once we get the new pictures from the photographer. Forget about the diva-esque non-professional model and office politics! We're just glad to have completed our task and came home with great results. We took nonsensical pictures throughout our stay to keep ourselves sane, but I haven't got 'em all yet. Picture post coming up next.

I'm actually illegally surfing the net with my mom's pc right now. Mr. Bun gave me the sad news that my pc cannot be saved. The motherboard was too old and they don't have that kinda model nowadays. The remaining stuff can't support a new motherboard so I gotta change everything, which means it's better off if I bought a new computer. Sucking donkey balls. I tried to hijack my second bro's computer last night but there was no port for the freaking modem cable. How uncool is that?? So I've hijacked my mom's computer momentarily. I gotta ask Mr. Bun to fix up my bro's computer for me 'cause neither myself or my mom can afford a new computer now. So the next time I put up a post, it's either from the office or my newly hijacked old computer.

Constipated people don't give a shit

It's April's Fool day and all I can think of is what a cool publicity and marketing stunt that Cleo has pulled off with Fly FM. Kudos to Lynette and team!! You'll know what I'm talking about if you've been tuning in to the station these past two days. Actually, I've been listening because of the shitload of cash the station's giving out. The money's snowballed to RM9900 this morning! How crazy is that?? Now only if they answered my calls...

I'm not feeling too well lately, and of course, not looking too fine either. My computer's kong-ed and I can't go online at home. Hence the absence in blogging. All because of a brainless prick's fault. But it's okay, it'll get fixed. And I'm gonna make sure he pays for it. I don't even care if we share the same mom. He's not getting away easily.

Hope next week will be less tough. I'll be away to an island. Yay!! Sun, sea and sand. Me loves. But sadly it's for work. Bummer. And last night I decided to really start on a detox fast. I can't take this sickening feeling anymore. It feels so scary to be so sick. Thank god I won't be in the office during the fast. Or else I'm gonna crash and burn like my computer's motherboard. It doesn't feel good for me to envy people who take their health for granted while I'm trying so hard to be healthy and still see no improvement. I'm looking at this new quote of the month on my calendar now and it says "Live life to the fullest and focus on the positive". How I wish I had more of such positive energy. Life now is more like me living to its foolest. The biggest fool on earth.