How does it feel, when you inhale the white mist into your breath? Does blood rush through your veins and hit your brain like a storm? Do you feel alive only when that happens?

I'm no different than you. My weakness is anger. Some may say I'm addicted to it. Too many times I have allowed my instincts to take over and leave me bruised. Time does not allow itself to be reversed because of people like me. Time wants me to learn how to be more patient. I've sadly come to realise the world does not exist in black and white. Being grey is good for survival and I need to start blending in.

The rainbow said hello

I can't quite put into words how my feelings are right now. I feel as if there is no other outlet to channel my mixed emotions than to type this out, since I've chosen not to let my tears spill earlier. It has been an extremely difficult sight to face, seeing tubes of various sizes sticking in and out of his body like that. I'm just thankful he made it out of the operation room alive.

These are times when my thoughts and emotions are severely challenged. I've never been a daddy's girl; we were never too close. Heck, he was somewhat distant from his family for most of his life. He wasn't the perfect role model on how to be a father, but he's still mine. I have no doubt he would be there for whatever he could for me, so I was there today, seeing him into the surgery room and waited till he came out. I felt like that was the least I could do. I think I would've cried if I had to go in for any operation. He was surprisingly calm. I'm thankful I could call in to the office for some time off right now. He's still being put unconcious but the operation was somewhat successful. We need to wait till the bleeding stops before we're certain he's stable. There will be more concerns later on but I think I can only deal with so much at this stage.

What's now etched on my mind was the final moments before he was wheeled in. His weak laugh at the nurses' attempts to put him at ease. For that I'm grateful. I was worried at first that it might be the last that I'll see of him but at least he pulled through the operation. We barely made it before he was wheeled in. Totally my fault. Had a tough time falling asleep last night and when I did fall asleep, I had a tough time waking up. Mom was driving fast and furious at me for being late but when we drove out to the highway, I had a feeling it's gonna be alright. A bright rainbow greeted us and the rest of the working traffic, giving me a ray of hope. Call me crazy but I do believe that someonesomethingsomewhereoutthere was trying to assure me that it'll be fine.

While we were in the waiting room today, I realised there were other people who are faced with equally heartbreaking situations, if not more. That wasn't something that I saw everyday and it kept me silenced about the way I usually viewed my life. I saw a mother dashing into the ICU to see her baby after the doctors summoned her, a wife who was making calls to prepare to bury her dying husband, a daughter breaking news to her relatives that her mother might not awake from her slumber and I'm sure there are plenty other stories from the different people walking in and out of that room. So you think you had a rough day at the office today? Think again.

How to retain your creative juices

Regular folks like us would normally abstain from sex due to a number of regular reasons. For example, some of you might be too ugly to get laid or you have a fear of contracting STDs or afraid of being a babydaddy/baby momma after nine months or you might have mysophobia like Emma Pillsbury or you might suffer from even more regular excuses such as stress, lack of time or simply lacking interest in sex.

Lady Gaga has famously announced about her celibacy and now we all finally know why, thanks to Vanity Fair:

“I have this weird thing that if I sleep with someone they’re going to take my creativity from me through my vagina. I’m perpetually lonely. I’m lonely when I’m in relationships. It’s my condition as an artist. I’m drawn to bad romances. And my song [Bad Romance] is about whether I go after those [sort of relationships] or if they find me. I’m quite celibate now; I don’t really get time to meet anyone.”

Source: Perez Hilton

You know normalcy ain't Gaga's cup of tea. I'll pray for her that hopefully some day, she'll meet a man who is creatively juicier than her so that he may pump more creative juices into her brain. I guess that would be the only way she'll ever be comfortable of having sex again.

Why I'm no food blogger

I do follow a couple of food blogs and I've always admired their skills and patience for photographing such great pictures of the food. I can't say I didn't try but I don't find myself salivating over my own food shots. I still do take pictures of my food sometimes but it's mainly to chronicle my food adventures in a different country, or to just share with some close friends. Recently a couple of close friends have just started their own food blog, but mainly concentrating in the Northern region as they reside in Penang. I must say, I salute their patience because I would've wolfed down the food as soon as they are placed on the table.

I'm not the only one who shows a lack of enthusiasm for blogging about food. Anthony Bourdain has always been vocal about his dislike for food bloggers (and vegans) and I can't help but chuckle in agreement after I watched this episode of No Reservations some time back. Btw, I have a stronger dislike for vegans compared to food bloggers. I've blogged about that before.

I think most of the food bloggers aren't as extreme as the ones which Bourdain has interviewed. Most are just sharing their experience and want to make it known to the rest of the population. For me, I prefer to savour the moment - while the food is fresh and hot from the kitchen. I may have good pictures after spending a good few minutes working with a DSLR, but the dish would've turned cold and I wouldn't have preferred that. I think my meal companions wouldn't be too pleased about waiting for me to finish taking photographs either.

Yesterday I tried flexing my food photography skills...

Like I said, I prefer to have my food hot and fresh from the kitchen.