Sorry, I'm actually back from Bangkok much earlier

I must agree this post is super delayed but I just haven't got the time. And I actually suck at Photoshop so you guys gotta forgive that as well.

So let's talk about Bangkok. What about the city centre of the land of smiles? Why not I start with it's super cheap yet trendy fashion? Or the tourist-friendly and easy navigation of its streets? Or its cheap beers? Or its impressive and wide-spaced malls that actually put our much adored Pavilion KL to shame? Or the catchy ads they play non-stop in the BTS? (I swear I'll miss each station I need to go if they had those TV screens in our LRTs). Or the megawatt smile that the Thais flash your way, even when times you bump into someone who can't speak a word of English? Or the surplus of sleazy nightlife creatures that roam the streets of Silom? Not forgetting touts who harass you to watch ping pong shows, pussy shows or whatever else they call it.

I must say that a 4D/3N trip to Bangkok is pretty long enough if you are looking to travel like how I did. Only for shopping and to revel in its nightlife glory. Well, not actually revel lah. Only good enough to satisfy the long and much kept curiousity. And no innocent pussies kitties were killed in the event of satisfying of this curiousity. But my poor foot has suffered a case of 'shop until you drop'. I didn't exactly dropped, but I did walk too much until my foot hurts now whenever I stand and walk too much or even when I wear heels :( But nevermind, women are strong creatures. This shall not prevent me from continuing to pursue my love of shopping! :)

Some of the pictures that I really wanna post are still with Danny so that's why you guys don't get to see pics of me riding on a tuk tuk. I think I can only get 'em after CNY so if I waited any longer then this post will be delayed some more :p

Our hotel room. It was small. Clean and simple. Has air-conditioning and hot shower (that works!). Friendly staff and great (free) breakfast. Well worth the RM80 per night.

Breakfast and pool area. Damn those angmohs who act like they've never played pool in their lives. Can you guys effing not play pool in the middle of the night?! Geez...

We lived real close to the Sala Deang BTS Station so it was very convenient to get around. Not to mention there were taxis and tuk tuks in almost every corner.

To get to Sala Daeng station, we had to walk along this street which was opposite our hotel. It's filled with Japanese signboards from top to bottom. Danny had a hard time telling if we were on vacation in Thailand or Japan. During the day, it's really quiet. At night, you see Thai women (and not so women) calling out for customers in front of all those pubs and massage parlours. And of course you can't miss those gatal Japanese expats who live and work around the area.

It doesn't get any more Japanese than this!

Pink taxi *love* We were in one of these beauties, back to the airport on the day we had to leave. Dear dear, can we move to Bangkok one day and you become a pink taxi driver if you're unemployed? :p

Window shopping and souvenir shopping at Siam Paragon

I [heart] Siam Square! So many cute bags and clothes yet too little money to spare

Chinatown... The wholesaler's paradise. Not really a cool place to shop beasue it was too packed but you gotta make a trip here to check the place out anyhow.

We weren't allowed in the temples because we were wearing shorts. The Buddisht temples in Thailand are very strict. You cannot enter if you are not fully covered. Must wear long pants and cannot wear any clothing without sleeves. So we only managed to take some pictures from the outside compound of the Grand Temple.

We hopped from one water taxi to another while getting around to the Grand Temple and Chinatown and then back to Silom. It's a great experience. I thought it was gonna be all slow and expensive but it was relatively cheap and we got to our destinations pretty fast. Now that's a great way to beat the traffic jam. But you certainly will arrive everywhere with a bad hairdo. I saw a sign which says 'Safety on Board' and I was like, "What safety???????" Everyone is just standing on the boat, packed to the brim without proper safety equipments and the only barrier between you and the river is a piece of string -.-"

On the way to Pratunam Market, which we arrived too early and then moved on to Chatuchak (OMG!!) instead.

What do you do when your travel mate is too busy shopping and you're left alone? Monkey around with the camera, of course! Notice the Dior bag, haha! And we were shopping in Chatuchak Market, not Siam Paragon.

Room Sweet Room ;p

Lovely little bunny being kept in a tiny little cage. The pets sold in Chatuchak are very cute indeed, but they also look kinda pitiful. Thank goodness the people who sell them do keep these animals in good condition.

Preparing the puppy to cook after being ordered at a restaurant. Haha... You should've seen Mr. Bun's face when I told him that when he saw this picture. The lady is just giving the puppy a bath lah!

Moving on, the foodies!

Roadside barbequed octopus. Very juicy and succulent!

(If I had) Three thumbs up for the chicken broth noodles!

Porky samurai burger. Here's proof that having McDonald's when you travel isn't always such a mean thing to do.

Here's me kicking back and having a Heineken after being harassed. Oh... We shall save the juiciest bit for last, shall we? And beer is cheaper than what we get in KL. 80 baht for a Heineken. Cheap what...

I love love love the Tom Yam Kung here. This stall actually lets us order whether we want it spicy or non-spicy. So we went with non-spicy and we finished every drop of the soup. It came in a much bigger bowl and they gave us this smaller bowl to put in the stuff we wanted to eat. There were so much prawns and mushrooms. The soup just warms up the stomach and made me feel good. And kinda hungry too 'cause it's sour.

We didn't eat this but I reckon it's funny. Poor fish... You want some Actal?

From the backseat of a tuk tuk.

Now to the famed and notorious nightlife of Bangkok...

There's no shocking pictures of me posing with ah kuas or pictures taken from within a nightclub. There's simply no oppotunity for me to do so. My camera is too fucking big and my phone's camera sucks. Maybe next time I'll borrow Mr. Bun's new handphone when I try to sneak a picture from Patpong. We didn't go for any ping pong shows because I was told that only old and unappetizing aunties perform. Anyway it's not like I don't have pussy. Why pay and go look at old aunty's pussy? There were also sex shows available. You can watch a man and a woman have sex live in front of you just by paying several hundred baht. Don't want lah. Better put mirrors in my room if I wanna watch just a man and woman having sex. Free some more. So what did we do? We went to the only gay street in Patpong. On the first night, which was a Thrusday, we were harassed to the max. Simply because the crowd wasn't too encouraging. Touts were basically pulling and dragging us into their pubs. MCH... One asshole even pinched my arm and laughed on his own. I feel so raped. And they scared me. We wanted to watch a gay show but we shelved the plan. Scared mah. But we went again the next night and guess what? No one even noticed us walking along the street because business was booming on a Friday night. CB! But anyway we went for a show. They had different segments of performances for about an hour. No pictures taken but I guess I'll try to compensate with the blurry pictures from their brochure. Good enough?

The one and only gay show featuring underwater performers, or so they claimed. Those guys were actually wearing googles when we watched. Kena tipu...

The price to watch a show is only 200 baht, inclusive of one bottle of beer, any beer. That's very cheap. When we walked in, we were surprised that the place is actually very small. We were seated right in front of the tiny stage. Or if that's what you call it. Plenty of men and boys were walking around, most of them on stage already. All of them were wearing tight white shorts, white socks and white shoes. Some wore white singlets but some did not. Of course it was bloody exciting while seated to watch the show. But being me, I tend to take things with a pinch of salt. The shoes they're wearing, those aren't some leather shoes or even shoes that LOOK expensive. Most are just school shoes that we buy from Bata and football shoes that they probably wear to have a game at the field during the day. There were a few faces that look very young and some even look very manly. I cannot bring myself to belive that they are gay by nature or by choice. It's just a job.

Anyway it started with the guys being paraded on stage for horny old men to pick. The place was kinda empty when we walked in but the crowd grew bigger as time goes by. Then it was showtime. First up was a transvestite lipsynching to some song welcoming us to Thailand, with four backup dancers. Second one was when I was spellbinded. I think I fell in love with a gay porn star. He was very loh mak mak. That's handsome in Thai if you don't get what I'm saying. And he looked so manly. But he was very very seductive, like those ancient temptress who seduces their way into the emporer's heart. Except that he's a good looking guy with a very large penis. Oh!!! How much more better can it get? A dashingly handsome man with large assets? Now that's what I call perfect boyfriend material. Sadly, he's a gay porn star. Back to the show, he was the centre of attraction with a wax dance show thingy. He was standing in the middle, surrounded by four backup dancers and everyone had a bunch of candles in their hands. His bunch was the biggest. Ehem... Pun unintended. Anyway we didn't get to see his dick during the candle dance. So he was dancing erotically with the candles and dripped hot wax all over his body, runs the flames up and down his arms and to end it all, shoves one bunch of burning candles into his mouth. Arrgghhhh... It hurts even to look. Miss transvestite comes back out with her four dancers after that.

My lustful gay porn star returns with two backups for a steamy shower and bubble bath. Or at least it was intended to look steamy. But I could tell that they were freezing with the water showering from above their heads. And they had to pretend to look as if they were really turned on by each other. I bet their knees were badly scraped 'cause they had to glide on stage with all those bubbles. But the stage ain't made of marbles. It's those tiny tiles which aren't really the sexiest thing to glide on with your bare skin. This part is when he peekabooed his uhhm... assets. We were like, "Woah... He's steamed!" Somewhere in between they played Andy Lau's song while waiting for the next act to be ready. It was hillarious. I don't know the name of the song but it was one of his old ones which was used in the movie where the hero is riding on a bike and bleeding while the girlfriend is riding on the back. The chorus goes, "Yau tin, yau hoi, yau tei..."

Three well-built guys dived into the tank built behind the stage and did synchonized swimming to Michael Learns to Rock's remake of a Jacky Cheung song, 'Take Me to Your Heart'. That was funny too. And one of the guy's trunks kinda slipped when he did a somersault in water. The climax of the show was the end part. My lustful gay porn star came back on stage for the finale, with three other guys. He was with one slutty looking gay and the other two were 'a couple'. The number ones had condoms on and were buck nekkid. The zeros had skimpy G-strings on. They did blowjobs on stage and yeah, there were backdoor penetration. My gay porn star even came off stage and fucked in the middle of the audience and fucked in front of us. And then the music was stopped and it all came to an abrupt end. Guess time was up.

So there you go... That was my experience in Bangkok. I would love to go again in the future. But not anytime too soon 'cause I'm freakin' broke. I'm gonna bring long pants the next time so I can actually visit some famous temples and I'm gonna find my forbidden love :p