Panic! At The Office

Ever had the feeling when you feel boycotted and stabbed in the back by your best mates? As if all they do is bitch behind your back, once you turn around and can't see their true faces? I'm feeling that way right now. Sometimes this feeling proves to be true, but sometimes it's really nothing at all. But I still can't help but feel like crap for the moment.

I always say how much I do NOT hate my job. I still don't, really. But I feel really, really tired. Not only so, I feel freaking lethargic. I look morbid when I see myself in the mirror every morning. And yes, I've been losing some weight without trying hard to do ever since I've started working. Nope, I'm not trying to sound shallow like Paris Hilton. But I suspect it has something to do with stress. That... Or gigantic worms in my tummy. Not to mention I have a body worse than a 80-year-old granny.

It may seem like I have the ideal, balanced life now. But I still feel like there's a big black hole within myself. There's something missing... But I can't quite figure out what it is. I'm guessing that I'd like to move out of the country and travel for a bit. Find a smashing job in a foreign country and live on my own for a while before I come back home to where my heart is. But that's easier said than done. I still can't dig up the courage to do so. Yeah, people see me as this hard headed bitch, but I'm a little cowardy in some instances. But that aside, if anyone of you have a really cool job which requires me to travel and live in swanky cities (think New York, Tokyo, Hong Kong...), please give me a buzz. I wanna feel how it's like to live a jet-setting life, like how the girls in SEX & THE CITY do. Well, minus all the hanky-panky lah!

I don't wanna look back and reflect on my life when I'm older and live the rest of my life with a nagging feeling that I should've experienced all that I could when I was younger. I was having breakfast with the boyfriend this morning and I saw this pregnant lady seated in front of me... She had a similar haircut and nail colour as mine. The way she and her husband were talking also reminded me a lot of how Mr. Bun and myself would talk. A lot of poking at the ribs and light punches on the thighs. We even had the same coloured purses, red! Only difference is that my purse is from Esprit, and hers is from Miu Miu. BAH!! In my head I was thinking, is this how I'm gonna be like in 10 years? Not too bad actually. I mean, her husband purposely took her there for breakfast. I could tell. She was having her bowl of porky noodles but he wasn't eating. But he was keeping her company. I wouldn't mind being married to such guy and having his child. And I have faith that Mr. Bun could love me that way. But sometimes he frustrates me with his inexplicable disability to remember roads and un-romantic-ness. It's gonna take more than a little for me to embrace these flaws but I will move forward and take it all in because he's only human. It's not like I'm perfect anyway.

Valentine's Day is tomorrow. We're not celebrating. We made a promise to make each day our Valentine's. But we're not exactly boycotting because I did buy him gifts. I have such good taste. And him too... 'Cause he's going out with me. Haha!! Actually the other reason is because he's working night shift tomorrow. What a bummer! Not really, 'cause I do detest the idea of celebrating love only on Valentine's Day. Same goes with Mother's and Father's Days. Btw, I haven't got my Valentine's Day gift yet :p

I think my mood's getting a bit of a rise. A little bit. Need to get back to work and suck it all in. Pray for me...


Jason TAN said...

i'd learn to separate friends and colleague, the hard way