Just me and my sorrows

As I commute to work on the LRT this morning with Amy Winehouse (the lyrical and melodious genius that she is) blaring into my ears, I couldn't help but feel pressured than ever about my life. As I recall these past two nights, I've had my first two work nightmares and I absofuckingly hate them. We humans hate being pressured. But I can't help but coyly admit that I enjoy the mad rushes I get when I need to get things done. Like how I secretly love the pain I feel when I have a gastric attack. But that doesn't mean I like dreaming about all the bullshit I go through in the office. Then I remembered that if it wasn't for Sophia making so much noise for me to download Back to Black for her, I wouldn't have known what an amazing gift Wino has given to the world. Love it or hate it, I'm under pressure and I cannot run away from it. My thoughts were like a whirpool, like the water you see tumbling in a front load washing machine, creating an escape when you stare deep into it and get lost in your thoughts. I used to stare into the troubled waters when my family had a front load washing machine when I was a kid. It was my escape. I was walking down from the train station to my office and yet, as I cross the insanely busy crossroad of Jalan Pudu and Jalan Imbi, my thoughts weren't focused on the traffic. My eyes saw the hundreds of cars and bikes zooming by but inside my head, I was searching for a whirpool. An escape for me to drown my troubled thoughts, even if it's just for a milisecond. It seems like every memory I've had were flashing in my head, like a bloody slide presentation. I remembered the first time I've had my heart broken, tough times when I tried to heal from different kinds of pain and also the current bliss I found. The makcik who sells the most kickass kuih and nasi lemak at Hang Tuah station had those green bean kuih today and I bought two. I'm chewing on them now as I type my frustrations out for the world to see and for me to move on. I keep thinking today is Thursday and I nearly panicked this morning when I remembered I had one big load of stuff to finish before I go for a training this Friday. I'm supposed to be more professional and groomed when I come back next week. This weekend, I want to finish watching all the movies I downloaded and go back to reading Angels & Demons. Like what Amy says, I think I should be a corporate warrior instead. Corporate bitch sounds nice too, but not a lifeless corporate slug. Like those lifeless slugs who slugs around the office day and night without a real meaning in life.