The rainbow said hello

I can't quite put into words how my feelings are right now. I feel as if there is no other outlet to channel my mixed emotions than to type this out, since I've chosen not to let my tears spill earlier. It has been an extremely difficult sight to face, seeing tubes of various sizes sticking in and out of his body like that. I'm just thankful he made it out of the operation room alive.

These are times when my thoughts and emotions are severely challenged. I've never been a daddy's girl; we were never too close. Heck, he was somewhat distant from his family for most of his life. He wasn't the perfect role model on how to be a father, but he's still mine. I have no doubt he would be there for whatever he could for me, so I was there today, seeing him into the surgery room and waited till he came out. I felt like that was the least I could do. I think I would've cried if I had to go in for any operation. He was surprisingly calm. I'm thankful I could call in to the office for some time off right now. He's still being put unconcious but the operation was somewhat successful. We need to wait till the bleeding stops before we're certain he's stable. There will be more concerns later on but I think I can only deal with so much at this stage.

What's now etched on my mind was the final moments before he was wheeled in. His weak laugh at the nurses' attempts to put him at ease. For that I'm grateful. I was worried at first that it might be the last that I'll see of him but at least he pulled through the operation. We barely made it before he was wheeled in. Totally my fault. Had a tough time falling asleep last night and when I did fall asleep, I had a tough time waking up. Mom was driving fast and furious at me for being late but when we drove out to the highway, I had a feeling it's gonna be alright. A bright rainbow greeted us and the rest of the working traffic, giving me a ray of hope. Call me crazy but I do believe that someonesomethingsomewhereoutthere was trying to assure me that it'll be fine.

While we were in the waiting room today, I realised there were other people who are faced with equally heartbreaking situations, if not more. That wasn't something that I saw everyday and it kept me silenced about the way I usually viewed my life. I saw a mother dashing into the ICU to see her baby after the doctors summoned her, a wife who was making calls to prepare to bury her dying husband, a daughter breaking news to her relatives that her mother might not awake from her slumber and I'm sure there are plenty other stories from the different people walking in and out of that room. So you think you had a rough day at the office today? Think again.

3 comments:

deb said...

*hugs* ash. will keep u and your family in my 'once in a while' prayers.

love ya lots.

Chindiana said...

Hope he gets better soon Ash.

Ashley Liew said...

Thanks peeps. He's doing fine now. Itching to get out of ICU