Ashley in Chains

Finding myself working in an international school is an entirely bizarre situation itself, but it gets weirder as I find myself constantly having thoughts of leaving the country. The teachers are to blame for this. The single ones constantly travel around the globe and have not many actual physical possessions that hold them down. The ones who are married, and usually have kids, earn my respect. I always wonder where would they dig up such ease and spontaneity to pack up the whole family and relocate halfway across the world. I look at them with jealousy. Envious for my own lack of carefree spirit.

How can I escape from my rut?

What would I do?

Some people always randomly discuss about what superhero powers they'd like to own. I never really gave that a serious thought until tonight. If I had a chance to choose, I'd want to have the power to eliminate stupidity from other stupid human beings' minds. We all could live with a little bit more of decisiveness and start to pay more attention to the details in our lives. But alas! Some folks just don't get it, do they?

All hail McQueen!

I'm not big on fashion blogging but I do follow a handful of fierce fashionistas' blogs so that I can be inspired to dress up better (on some days!). But in the recent few days, people are raving about the latest Alexander McQueen's runway show. You know it's huge when you find me writing a post about this one because I have absolutely no knowledge about runway shows. Following pictures are conveniently ripped off from Tavi and The Shoes Girl's blogs :p

Huge, huge, huge and spacious runway to complete the alien-worldly ambience. I love those rails on both sides of the runway. Makes the place seem more morbid.













Then I see these unbelievable pictures of models walking out in those shoes. THOSE SHOES!! Check them out. 













They are impossible. How did it even cross his mind to make these shoes?! 













It's really odd to even try to think of how I'm gonna walk in these things.

Here come the alien models with their alien feet. Seeing them in a group adds more to the oddity. Shall we zoom into the close-ups and see exactly how strange they look? But I must admit though despite the queer shape, these shoes do draw up some weird fascination and perhaps kinky thoughts.

If I had to choose a favourite pair, this snakeskin pair would be it.

Phew! That was a feast for the eyes, wasn't it? So I read that Heidi Klum hasn't gone into labour yet and is still resting at home. I wonder if she's gonna sashay into the delivery room in a pair of these babies... That would be so rad and sick at the same time.

mindblock

I am positively sure I am not the only person who loves a perfectly good lazy day. I am one who appreciates my weekends because it is the only time when I can literally laze around and do nothing, apart from dozing off repeatedly and occasionally prop my ass in front of the telly or the computer. I am doing the latter because I was trying to kick myself into starting some work but I guess there's not much of creative juice running in my sloth-like body. I'd very much prefer to gorge myself silly with whatever trash that is airing on the telly right now. But I turned it off because I can never write while it's on. Bad new is, it's not like I'm making much progress right now either. The practical side of me is begging to start transcripting those damn recordings and go on to writing some crap already but I guess it's not screaming loud enough. I'm still trapped here having nonsensical thoughts of how cool it would've been if I were in Japan with my ma and ah kor at this moment. I could've been. But what's the point of going if I had to spend thriftily in Tokio? I couldn't bear to imagine what an emotional torture that was going to turn out so I opted not to go. I wished the weather wasn't so miserable right now so that I could at least feel better about remaining in KL. Oh, I could swear I heard my mom yell at me while I was dreaming earlier today. She prolly nagged too much before leaving to the airport last night to leave that lingering effect on me. I miss me mom :( I hope she doesn't come home with souvenirs I could actually buy from the SS2 wet market like how she did the last time when she came back from Ozzy. That aunty got tricked into believing she brought home one-of-a-kind denim type leggings that only models in Australia get to wear. It was hillarious for me to see the exact same leggings at SS2 the very next day.

Should I go get some grub and then start writing? It's not easy trying to think of the food options that could leave me inspired to write. I could do with some real Japanese food. But I remember that I'm not in Japan. FML. The weather's too hot to even move around. I can't even sit still and not sweat. This is all those air-conditioner pimping folks' fault. We wouldn't have global warming this badly if less people had air-conditioners on. Now you losers are making me a hypocrite because there's no way I cannot install air-conditioners when I buy my own house someday. I think I need to run now and go sit under a cold shower for 10 minutes and hopefully it'll put me in a better state of mind.

Watch and ROTFL

Wee wang wang

I love love love this scene from a vintage Stephen Chow movie, A Chinese Odyssey. Here, he is tempting fate by challenging the Goddess of Mercy when he disrespects both the Goddess and his Sifu. The part I love absolutely love is when he starts to describe his Sifu as being an annoying housefly that just won't stop buzzing near his ears. He goes on to correct himself and say that it was an understatement, and his Sifu was in fact an army of houseflies. More hilarity ensued when he goes into detail about how he's like to rip out his Sifu's intestines and wrap 'em around the neck.

I always quote this scene whenever I meet someone who is even half as annoying as the Sifu. The difference now is that I can finally perfect my lines and annoy some people along the process. LOL!

Anyone else who misses the good ol' slapshtick humour from Mr. Chow?

Damn 7

I suppose the title above sounds more vulgar if you say the 7 in Cantonese, but what the heck.

I'm tagged by Chindiana on this "8 things you didn't know about me" list but since he's tried to be different, and I would like to be as well, I'll just go ahead and reveal only 7 unknown facts about myself. To make it sound anywhere near justifiable (and somewhat Da Vinci Code-like), I am listed as the 7th person he's tagging so here goes...

1) Sometimes I do wish it were true when Mr. Bun says that his Myvi can transform into Optimus Prime, especially when we're caught in a bad traffic jam.

2) I can't bake. Because we never owned an oven at home. Sooooo not my fault.

3) I hate pre-wedding photoshoots. I always condemn people who take them and find myself trying to be polite and keeping my mouth shut when it comes to friends who proudly show off their much photoshopped mugs in ridiculously overprized (and oversized) photo albums. It's too harsh to tell people they've been ripped off just so they can look foolish like everyone else. Which normal person prances around at the beach wearing a full suit (guy)/long flowy gown (girl)? And don't get me started on the el cheapo background effects that the bridal houses use! I'd rather use the money to extend my honeymoon trip or something worthy like that.

4) I badly want to put on my monokini and accesorize with chunky necklaces and high heels because I secretly wanna look like Paris Hilton or Beyonce at the beach.

5) My mother tounge is Hakka.

6) I can't live if I only owned G-strings. Granny panties are life savers sometimes.

7) Well, this is technically not unknown but rather, newly known. I have a girl crush on Lady Gaga!!!!!

I blame Deb

I've never watched 'The L Word' and am certainly not a big fan like Deb. She always talks about girls who bring out the lezbo in her (and how she's such a lezbo magnet. LOL). I've never given that topic much thought because I've always been more attracted to the male anatomy rather than a female's, since I already have the working parts on myself. But the recent gagafest about Lady Gaga's supposed penis has peaked my interest in a possible lesbian relationship, well, at least within my own head. But I'd have to ignore the dick part though. 'Cause if she really has one then it wouldn't be homosexual, would it? I'm starting to confuse myself.

For those who don't know what the hell I'm rattling about, please watch this and judge for yourself:




And you can also read this: http://perezhilton.com/2009-09-04-lady-gagas-vagina-is-offended.

Normally I'd cringe and hate on the person after that but I honestly think that no matter if Lady Gaga was a real lady or otherwise, she rocks my world anytime. Now if there's anyone who can bring out the lezbo in me, she's it. Did you know she's admitted that she's bisexual? I'd totally have a chance! Now if only I'd put in more effort to seduce her and be a groupie while in Singapore. I wasn't anywhere near the stage during her concert but I can tell you she's got sexy back. And front.

Hey Lady Gaga, my beautiful vagina would like to make friends with your beautiful vagina. Wanna hook up?

ps: I seriously think I'm suffering from multiple post-concert lust because I seem to fall in love with every artist I watch live. But then again it could be pre-concert lust because how else can I explain why I spend a bomb just to watch them prance happily on stage? Not to mention I get all squished up and sweaty while doing that...

pps: If you can't get the joke then you should be reading your momma's blog about what she cooks for dinner everyday.

An eye opener

I've been reminded again today by my body as to why I should NEVER fuck with my lunch schedule. If I did, my gastric juices would punish me, with a capital P. It's probably illegal for me to admit this but due to my greater interest in shopping, I skipped lunch and was late for a meeting. But that doesn't sentence me to life behind bars, right? *blush* Anyways the "Warehouse Sales" was nothing too fantastic. Although there were some really gorgeous shoes from Nine West but the ones I really liked were out of sizes. So I *only* got a pair. Yes, *only* one pair.















Got something else too but that's another story to tell on a different day.

The branding workshop I went later in the day was such an eye-opener. I see more clearly now how a group of people (obviously the bigger players within the local education industry) come up with education plans that has goals which goes beyond just the profit-making side of a business. They hear the cries of parents who have no faith left in the national education system after the government constantly screws them over, and stands up to offer a solution. Some may argue that these people are taking advantage of the situation. But who are they to judge when there is a real NEED for Malaysians to be so self-sufficient and look for better alternatives when it comes to children's education? I know I have no faith left in the bullshit system that I had to go through for 13 long years. Ask me why the next time you see me and I'll gladly tell you which awakening moment that made me realise that I possibly might have to send my future kids to an international school. And don't get me started on how self-sufficient we are on other aspects. Hint: Water distillers, gated communities and all that jazz.

I also found out about some interesting history behind Loytape. Tell me which Malaysian who hasn't used tapes from this brand before and I'll stick 'em all over your face. It has a connection to the paragraph above.













I've never been to any meetings which was so unconventional. Can anyone say that they've been in a meeting where the CEO just gobbles up a whole bucket of fish head curry right in front of his employees who were brainstorming? Or that you could make a flourescent pink dolphin with green eyes with playdough while in meeting?















There were plenty of toys for the young and young-at-heart to play with so that we weren't bored or falling asleep in the meeting. That is so cool! We have another session next week and I can't wait to see how much more we can progress. The only thing I dread is the traffic jam along MRR2 to get home. Bleah!

Mean muthafucking chili crab!!!

So you might've heard I ran all the way down south to our neighbouring country so I could catch Lady Gaga live in concert last week. I have to be honest that I had a blast! Never in Bolehland would we get to go gaga over Lady Gaga's perky bottom on stage. So the money spent, time wasted, sweat shed and feet ache were all worth it. The crowd may be kiasu and Lady Gaga may be late but she brought the house down. There was no doubt about that. My only regret was being too naive to trust concert organizers when they said cameras weren't allowed into the arena. I walked in and saw every other person with a camera as big as a bazooka, while I had to settle with shiteous quality videos and pictures. FML. Never will I buy into that shiz again. Or maybe I should invest in a phone with mucho better quality camera functions??

I'd like to share my favourite video from the night. I like it mostly because it sounds way better when she talks than when the music is blaring off the speakers. Yes, did I mention my phone's camera suck? Here's Lady Gaga buttering up to her fans in Singapore.





Got to spend some time catching up with friends in Singapore and they were all lovely. Couldn't be more thankful and happier for their company!! Will be treating them very well whenever they're here in town. I took part in Singapore's national sport and bought some stuff too. Not crapload of stuff but some stuff which I can't get in KL. They're either too fugly or expensive here. I've had some pretty good food too. I'm beginning to think Singaporean food actually do NOT suck. It was probably just silly lil' me not knowing where the good stuff are. Was having some drinks with friends at Vista Bistro out at the East Coast when this local duo decided to cover Lady Gaga since she was in town. They were pretty good, although I find the singer was a tad too syok sendiri. LOL.





Now I'm thinking where my next vacation spot will be. Maybe Manila?

Keep it cool, what's the name of this club?

Nothing cures a twisted mind like moshing to the tunes of one of today's hottest pop act. I was semi-devastated just 2 days earlier, as reality started to sink in. My trip down to Singapore to catch Lady Gaga live was probably never going to happen. Thank goodness I still have someone who loves me enough to go with me. Finally we started to make it happen yesterday. Haha! I'll never forget how kind my brother was when he accompanied me to watch Crossroads (starring the legendary Miss Britney Spears) when I was in secondary school. Yes, terribly embarassing for him but it meant the world to me because I'm so in love with Brit Brit. How could a true fan miss her starring debut? Anyhow, history is repeating itself as my brother stepped up again while I had no friends who are happening enough to go gaga with me. Or maybe he was trying to get lucky with Singaporean girls in the moshpit? I gotta give credit to the guy. He's got taste. There probably wouldn't be Ahlians hanging around at Fort Canning Park next Wednesday.

I'm so stoked and cannot wait for the day to come!! Sitting around wishing and cursing Lady Gaga for not coming over to our shores is not an option. We Malaysians know better. I'm already thinking about what I should wear to the concert. I'll probably start packing 2 days before going off. Yes, I'm that excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now that I have something really awesome to look forward to, my thoughts are not as sad anymore. I realised that my mind's been kind of mundane since Jac's wedding. Am I missing something here? I hope not. It gives me chills to think I've become an obsessive compulsive organiser/busybody/nosepoke of some sort. Shiver me timbers. I need help. Maybe seek medical help? Yeah, I'm so going to get help tonight. I'll be here: http://www.zestpj.com/uncle-chillis/ruban-md-nurses-nite-6-aug/. See ya?

Geek in the pink

I sooooo want these in my wardrobe!!!!!!!!!

Trans-parent

Below is a SMS conversation between me and the boyfriend just a minute ago, as I was fuming mad over another matter. I love the fact that he made me smile with his attempt at making silly jokes.

Bf: Who is Transformers parents?
Me: Wtf?
Bf: Guess la...
Me: *types in question on Google and finds answer*
Me: Transparent. I love Google!
Bf: T_T
Me: Haha! Stupid. Thanks for making me smile dear. Muaks!
Bf: Muaks!

We're both trying to find a place in the sun

I miss being half naked under the sun, while exposing myself to the risk of getting skin cancer. Nothing puts me at ease more than falling asleep while listening to the waves crashing to the shore. I desperately miss that feeling.

My depressed mood seems unwarranted, especially when I find myself at lost while trying to search for the root of cause. But I sure can't deny I'm way down low, as opposed to the the great feeling of being on top of the world. How can one feel so pressed when there is no oppression exerted? At least there aren't any visible signs that may trigger my stress alarm. I might be giving myself more stress as I struggle to find an answer that may not exist.

Gotta give Stella a call. Need me some tips on how I can get my groove back.

Fly me to the field

I want to run freely, darting through the fresh and colourful blooms
Have dirt all over my feet
Flowers and grass all over my hair
Breathing in the cool and crisp air
Without a single knot left untangled in my mind
I want to be at that place
Where love is abundant
Where I can lose track of time

Cleaning up my act

Last weekend, I achieved a task that had initially been declared as already R.I.P. *cue tragic violon music* Who would've thought a couple of wise words from a Feng Shui Master can turn things around completely? My parents came home inspired by his wise words but of course, my mom went to work immediately, i.e. getting rid of the clutter in the house. Somehow that got me started too.



















This is how my room looks like on normal days. By normal I mean pre-spring cleaning. Don't be deceived by the clean-looking marble tiles. There's actually dust piling up everywhere. EVERYWHERE...




















That's the hallway right in front of my room. The luggage bag's been there since end April. I know, it's not thaaaaaat long right? But yeah, I can be a total slob. Just look at that big basket of clothes!




















The first thing I ever found once I got down to work was a pile of moolah. I love finding long lost hidden stash of money! This should happen every single time I clean up my room. Then I'd clean up more frequently.
















I had no heart to throw this box of goodies away. There were lovely birthday and greeting cards from friends and the boyfriend *hugs*
















I found this gift box from Louise and can't help but post it up for some laughs. That woman actually took the trouble to scribble all over the damn box. Got it for my 21st birthday, btw.




















Oh hell yes I'm ashamed. I threw out lotsa stuff. Many of them were not photographed as evidence *hangs head low*
















Though externally my room still looks similar to the "before" shot, it has very much less dust. I'm breathing in cleaner air while I sleep now. And there are less junk within those cabinets. That pink tube-looking thing at the corner is my yoga mat which had been banished into the dark ends of the store room for quite some time. It shall be revived from now!




















Dear Yoga Mat, don't you worry. I won't be leaving you alone in that stinky, dark store room anymore. I'll have you right here in my bedroom, where I will lay you down on the floor and you will have me spreading myself all over you and we will get sticky and sweaty together more and more from now.

Farah's Surprise Birthday Party

Sorta kinda failed upon us because her car wouldn't start this morning and she had initially wanted to take an emergency leave. WTF. But in the end she came and we all still had a jolly good time lepaking, although the plans didn't go as smoothly as we had planned earlier.



















With birthday girl & the glaring pink birthday card I made. ZOMG I look so fat here!




















All the homemade spread. I woke up at 5.00am to fry those damn noodles. KNN. Never have I been so prompt to leap out of bed after the alarm bell rang once. I didn't even hit the snooze button like how I usually do. My colleagues then remarked that I should cook for them everyday. MCH. Kena insult kau kau.




















Since I've just cleaned my room+stuff, I found a lot of stuff which I had otherwise forgotten that I owned. Wore a pair of peeptoe pumps I bought from Singapore last year. And true enough, I was clearing the shoe cabinet and was surprised to find a few pair of shoes I never remember I had. Found these kitty cat earrings too so I was rockin' 'em today. Meow!!

Have no idea how to end this post so imma leave you with a totally random and wtf picture I took while leaving the pasar malam earlier tonight. Will you go have coffee/tea here?

Lazy friday

The only major task I've achived today was sending over my list of job responsibilities to my boss. I've spent a major part of the day reading and skimming through blogs. The bosses won't be very happy about this when they find out. But it's all part of keeping up-to-date and that's uber important for a Marketing Communications person, no? I should put that into my list so that I can get away with it if I ever get caught in future. Talk about irony.

I have a list of "Top 3 things in my mind right now".

1) I want need an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini. Saw Miranda Kerr in a really cute piece on Victoria Secret (got sale sommore!) but shipping to this part of the world is a bitch so I'll just try my luck looking around kay el. Bet I'll be forced to settle with a normal yellow two-piece, considering the unimpressive fashion sense most of us here in this city have. Yuck!

2) I want need a super cun gold metal belt. This one that Leng is rocking is pretty much what I'm looking for. Too bad it's from her personal closet :(



















3) I hate to admit this but need a good eye cream to erase fine lines (and actually works!). Yes, I've come to that stage. Bleurgh... Part of growing up sucks because we grow old. Should I get that tube from Kiehl's? Or does anyone have any other good recommendations?

It's really quiet here at the office/school. The kids are off for summer hols. Mahem, summer all year long in Malaysia not enough ah? Must take summer break also? How much more cruel can the management be when they create a system where admin staff have to still come back to work as usual when the rest of the school is flying off to various parts of the world. Damn them. They aren't helping much by bragging about the vacations on Facebook.

I miss my boyfriends. Yes, barely 2 months here and I've already indulged myself into relationships with eligible expats. Well, self-proclaimed relationships anyway. But I could never resist. They're cute, single and blonde. One's called Frederick and the other is James. Here's a photo of me with Frederick. I hope his mommy and daddy won't discover my blog and storms into the office to chop off my head. I'm not trying to sell this adorable little piece of chubbiness!!



















I have another picture of my with James but it's in my phone and computer at home so I can't post it. This predicament shall not arise again once I've gotten my iMac next month. There'll be Bluetooth on that white piece of erm, machine. Yay!! And camera as well so I might post more camwhoring pics in the future and blog about what I wore on a particular day =) I sound so fashionable out of a sudden. Haha!

We're gonna have a potluck party next week at the office for no particular reason. Prolly to make ourselves feel better since we're mistreated and having to work while the rest are vacay-ing away. But we're celebrating someone's birthday in advance too. Couldn't do it on the actual day on Tuesday since there are people going on a vegetarian fast on Tuesdays. Still pretty awesome to have parties, nonetheless. Especially when you don't actually need a reason to have one.

The clock on the bottom right of my screen says it's time to go home. And that's exactly what I'll do. Especially after sending a long text message to Debs for the names of Victoria Secret stuff I want to buy. They're having a sale!!! If lady luck smiles at both of us, then I'll be able to strike Item 1 off my aforementioned list. And then some. Cya!

Fire in the hall

I got all riled up this morning while driving in my car, on my way to the office. The morning deejays from the station which claims to have the best variety had been discussing about females turning 30, because one half of the duo is celebrating her birthday sometime this weekend methinks.

I was particularly interested in this topic because a friend had just recently celebrated her 30th birthday and boy, it was such a milestone for her. I bet it's gonna be a big emotional rollercoaster ride for me too when my time comes. But I'm not gonna spend my time right now thinking about the unevitable. I'm not even halfway there yet.

What got me ticked off was when the deejays called up some local female celebs who obviously had gone through the 30-leap and talked about their experiences - Joanne Kam was just hitting all the wrong notes, let me tell ya.

She threw out a bunch of standard templates, which included statements like "Young girls in their 20s are needy, immature and insecure because they call up their boyfriends 24 times a day just to check up on them", "Women in their 30s are at the peak of their glory and men lurrveee OLDER women", yada yada yada. Stuff to make older women feel good despite their age, ya know?

Firstly, what gives her the bloody right to proclaim on national radio that all young girls are needy and call up their boyfriends 24 times a day? Does she think that just because she THINKS women in their 30s aren't that needy, that just automatically makes younger females needy and desperate?

Secondly, boys love to fuck. Boys who fuck older women probably are just searching for a different taste in their sex life. Same goes for boys who fuck younger women... They probably had been laid by an older woman before and they move on to younger conquests. Variety is the spice of life, eh? So it doesn't matter if guys like to fuck younger or older women. Both sets of women have guys to sleep around with. Just because you are deliriously happy to still get laid after hitting 30, it doesn't mean younger girls don't have guys to please them either.

Thirdly, methinks these people are too fascinated with SATC and all the other cougar-type drama that they think they can score a hot Kirby lookalike, and live happily ever after together forever. It's not like I don't wish for Kirby to fall onto my lap, but come'on lah... Turning 30 doesn't automatically make you a hot cougar and all younger men will bow down to your feet. Some women may have that sorta luck, especially on television, but not all. Not all young girls deserve the men they want too. There's no need to stereotype women in their 20s nor 30s.

This morning did not start on a good note. The old aunty in the office is not helping either. She's the only person who's capable to bring my anger level up to the max here. Even the screaming kids don't manage to shake my mood one bit. I'm just glad it's the end of the week and I'm leaving the office early today. Imma chill...

Mmm, mmm... Good!

I can't stop fantasizing thinking about Shia LaBeouf after watching Transformers. I've liked him before but now it's turning into what happened right after I watched Jason Mraz live. On a totally random note, I think LaBeouf and Mraz kinda look alike. Hmm... Maybe that's why!

With my daily reading of perezhilton.com, LaBeouf does sound like some sort of LaDouche. But who am I to judge? It's not like I know him personally. But the fact that he had seen his mom naked before and thinks she's the sexiest woman alive and witnessed his parents do the nasty does sound kinda effed up. Hence the douchery and future trips to rehab, psychiatric office and what not.

He's mentioned before that his manly bits ain't well-endowed. Judging from this picture, I think it's not too bad. I'd still hit it. But who knows if they did what underwear ad models do *stuff padding* cough cough *to look stiff*

tonight tonight

I'm ready to be blown away. For those "film critics" who think this movie is bad, perhaps you should've spent your precious RM10 and 2.5 hours watching The Queen or The Curious Case of Benjamin Button instead. It ain't a movie with much depth, but who cares? Everyone's happy as long as the effects are awesome and Megan Fox is given so much screen time prancing around in her tighties. The movie is gonna be all about her and I ain't complaining. She brings out the wolf in every dick and butch in every pussy.