Looking for the silver lining

With all the nonsensical drama that has been bugging me recently, I cannot help but feel helpless and being depressed about things. Although I must admit that there are a few good things that I can hold on to and count on to bring me back to a better place. I should call these people/things my wooden plank and pretend I'm Rose from Titanic. Even when all hope seems lost and my Jack has frozen to death, I still have a wooden plank to lie on until I'm rescued. Lately I'm getting tired of holding on to things that make me unhappy and have started questioning my own thoughts. Why can't I start focusing on things that I'm lucky enough to have, instead of dwelling on things that make me feel miserable? Yes, they're miserable and are still in my life but since I have to live with them then I shall put in extra effort to focus on things that make me happy. I'm going to leave them negative thoughts at the dumpster tonight and enjoy my not-too-bad life. Tonight is my friend, Joanna's hen's night and I'm looking forward to have a great girls' night out. Hope there aren't too many indoor smokers around to spoil my mood (and vision). If I manage to capture some nice sassy photos, I'll be happy enough to share some in a next post :)

Que sera sera

When I was just a little girl, I never asked my mother what will I be. I never paid attention to whether I'll be pretty, if I'll be rich and she never said anything to me. 

But as I hit puberty, I started wondering why my mother still wouldn't invest in proper teenage skincare products for me while I envy other girls who at that time seemed to have smoother faces than I did. Despite not being the rose that every bee would buzz around at school, I was going about fine and enjoyed my carefree days as a teenager. I successfully transitioned from a child to an emotional teenager.

Then came the proper growing up phase as I marched into my 20s. The responsibilities of becoming an adult seemed all too real just a few years ago and thankfully I turned out to be a responsible adult. Sometimes maybe a tad too responsible (translation: boring!!). It sure wasn't easy moving on to becoming an adult. Right now it seems like the world is on my shoulders where I stand. Kind of makes me wish for the end of the world this Friday to be true, just so I can escape from the rut that I'm in. 

I'm at lost thinking if I should wait and see if things take a better turn, or take matters into my own hands and go on a new path. It's not like I didn't give it time. It's been a year and whenever things seem to be getting better, it all turns out to be the same and I'm getting tired. But a part of me wants to stay and watch it grow. 

Is this what adults deal with or am I going down the path of a mid-life crisis too soon?

How are things up there?

Hey Aimz,

In just a few days it would be your death anniversary and I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry that I couldn't attend the 30 days prayer. I'm playing bridesmaid to a school friend and had to skip going down to Seremban. I hope you know that I'm missing you from time to time and you'll be in my thoughts. 

To be perfectly honest with you, I do wish that we kept in touch more often before you left this mortal world. But I'll have you know that you brought Edwin, Esther and I together when we went to see you to bid our final farewell. Did you see us there at your house? I hope you liked the flowers we brought you. The florist didn't have many choices for flowers but they did their best. I know you'll get me if I could share the story of the 'artistic' Bangladeshi workers who put the wreath together. You wouldn't have guessed if I hadn't told you that they put it together, would you?

It wouldn't be easy for us to forget you, especially for Edwin. He did say out loud that you chose a date that he'll never forget. Well, not loud enough for everyone at your house to hear but just enough for me and Esther. No one knew you had a photograph of Esther and yourself by your bed and when your dad brought it downstairs to show us, it made us all sad for a little while. But in the end we're glad that you're no longer in pain. I hope your parents and Ben can heal from the pain of losing you too. 

You know, I went through my photo archives and managed to find a few photographs that we took together. I wished we had more. You may not agree with my choice here, but please know that it wasn't easy for me either to decide to let the world view my juvenile attempt of looking cool and fashionable way back when. Hope you're well and happy wherever you may be now and be good.

17 November 2006

Never take things for granted

How does one feel when a mere task of walking at a normal speed suddenly turns into the last leg of a full 21km marathon? Or standing in front of the cash deposit machine for an extra 10 seconds makes your insides feel like they are being ripped apart? If you are curious enough to find out, I might be able to let you in on the details. 

It's been exactly a week since my surgery and I feel much better compared to the first two days out of the operating room. But I still remember how cold it felt in there, and how badly I was shaking when I started regaining consciousness. The nurses must have been accustomed to half-awake patients who signal to them with a weak wave for an extra piece of blanket, and a low grunt of approval when they ask if you would like the heat on the heated blanket to be turned up higher. I don't miss the few pumps of morphine I allowed myself to have while I was still battling my way to full consciousness. But I can testify how powerful it is, and how painkillers do not impress me at all. Morphine is the way to go, baby!

It can get quite depressing if I place my focus on how much it hurts when I try to sleep on my sides, how hard it is to fall asleep when my body is dead straight, how much my stitches feel like bursting whenever I sneezed or coughed and how hormonal I've been as a result of my medication. But the good news is, I've started moving my thoughts into a more positive and optimistic space. It's nothing much but at least I'm trying. Now I hear a voice telling me, "at least you discovered it early, you didn't lose a limb, you're still here and full of opportunities to try" and yada yada.

One month of recuperation sounds just right. Not too long or short. I just hope my stitches get healed in time so they can withstand the impact of sitting hours through the traffic. Or else I might have to resort to driving a race car because that's the only angle I can get comfortable with. What's most challenging for me now is to get through to the day my Mr Bun comes home. It certainly isn't the best feeling in the world when my queen-sized bed transforms into a vast, vacant grassland whenever I sleep on it alone.

Here's to getting well and looking at the glass as half full.

My first surgery

This past week has been such a roller coaster ride. My Mr Bun left for Hong Kong two Sundays ago and that turned my life upside down. He'll be away for work for at least three months and during the whole time before he left, I thought three months was going to zoom past us and before we know it, he'll be back home with me. Little did I know that I started to crumble as soon as I turned my back at the departure gate, walking alone back to the car and driving back to the city with tears in my eyes. It was hard for him too, with this being his sophomore trip out of the country and first one without me. Now I know I was wrong when I said, "It's only three months, not three years". Because it definitely feels like I have to wait for years right now.

Things took for a more challenging turn when I had pains in my lower abdomen just days before the departure to Hong Kong. So I got myself a colonoscopy just to have things checked out and never would I guess that the doctors indeed found something, but in another area which I didn't suspect. They found a growth near my right ovary and after further screenings, I had to get admitted to have it removed as soon as possible. Which in my case, was quite immediate. After the surgery, the gynaecologist confirmed it was an endometriosis cyst which thankfully was quite fresh, but considered large in size. From what I remember, it was probably the size of an egg. It baffled him at first why it didn't protude and look visible from the outside because it was considered big and I felt a sharp pain when he examined me. But anyways, it was quite a fresh growth so it hadn't attacked my ovaries yet so that means I should try to get pregnant as soon as I can, while everything seems to be in working condition.

This has also resulted in me being on a month's medical leave and the days seem so long and lonely, especially with my closest companion being away and both of us dealing with long distance relationship for a short period of time. Sure, my mom's around to help me out with things but even she's leaving for her big Canadian and Alaskan holiday this weekend and I'll be left lonely at home. My brothers will be home but not much help there, unless it's something to do with transport or anything related to that. I use the word 'lonely' a lot because usually I like being left alone but I hate being lonely. The hormone medication that I'm on now to suppress the risk of the cyst's regrowth is not helping either. I hate it when my emotions and thoughts are so driven by hormones. It's driving me nuts.

Although this post sounds a lot like a post surgery rant, I felt it was important for me to share this episode of my life here so that other females can take note as well. It's also certainly helpful to be able to let it out because I've been so emotional lately. I didn't want to be one of those attention seekers to be posting updates about my condition on Facebook and then expect an outpour of comments. This is a good space to let off some steam and spread the message at the same time. So girls, go get yourselves a good gynaecologist and frequent check ups. You may think things like period pains are what comes with the package every month, but it could very well be your body trying to warn you about something. I know that now. You wouldn't to wait till it's too late to find out.

Complaining is stupid

“Complaining is stupid. Either act or forget.”
- Stefan Sagmeister

I love this quote from The Sagmeister. It's what I'm trying to do at the moment - ACT on it. But unfortunately I seem to be stuck for now. I hope things get a good turn around soon or else I might resort to stupidity.

Make a choice

“We often feel paralyzed by choice and make no choice. But the thing is, no choice is a choice. If you’re not doing something about it, you’re doing something about it.”

- Chris Guillebeau

I found this quote online and couldn't help but think of how apt it is to describe my thoughts right at this moment. I need to take a moment, calm down, analyze my situation and think clearly before making a decision on my next game plan. I feel like I should do something and live with the consequences, rather than waiting for something to happen and left to regret the outcome. Wish me luck. Lots of it.

Signing off 2011

My heart skipped a beat and fell on the lush green grass as I made my way onto the school field to run my final few laps here. In just about more than an hour I will be saying goodbye to the amazing institution which will forever mark my first foray into the education industry. It's been a great two and a half years working here but I shall be moving on within the same industry to join a new institution due to open in Nilai in 2013.

I haven't had the chance to share this piece of news but 2012 will truly be a new year for me. Well, at least in terms of my career. It all started with a few advances from the lost tribes of the rainforest which ultimately led to my decision to make a switch. I'll most probably be handling new challenges and gaining new experience as I will be part of a pre-opening team. It definitely sounds exciting and I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I've yet to let all the excitement and nervous tension take over me but I guess that will come naturally as my first day of working at a new place comes closer. It's baffling to realise that you don't grow out of that awkwardness - it's the exact same feeling as a young child switching to a new school and trying to make new friends even though you're not born as or trained with the skills to be a social butterfly. Maybe I need to get over it now that I'm an adult and all? Pffttt

2012 is just sneaking up around the corner, waiting for the right moment to pounce on us and leave us in bewilderment as 2011 seems to have gone too quickly. I haven't been able to sum up my feelings in a track that could express how I feel right now. But I will share a song that has strangely been playing on repeat in my mind the whole morning.

Forgive me if I seem terrible with goodbyes. Because I can be. I blame it all on nostalgic feelings during the year end and how sappy that can make one feel. It's been a great run through 2011 and I'm awaiting to see what 2012 will bring me.

Bitter heart

My chest is heavy with pangs of disappointment and regret. Disappointment that arise after realising how I am perceived in the eyes of others. Regret as I allowed myself for everything to run its course. Mask changing is not my forte and will probably never be. But now is a crucial time for me to really learn how to filter my thoughts. How did it turn out that the best quality that I thought of myself has now become the venom that could cause my own death? My mind begs for an answer but my soul is too fragile to handle the truth. I get too emotional when I'm criticized for being me. I'm still shaken from the awakening and trying to pick up my strength to move forward. I've been trying for years to move forward and become a better me but have always faltered. Could this be my last chance if I fail again?

I cannot let myself down anymore.

你过得好吗?

伯母，已经过了一百天. 你现在过得好吗？希望你在新的地方可以安心. 我们依然非常想念你。希望你可以看到我们尝试继续生活，虽然你与我们不再。我想念你。

My home today

I ventured out of home today for a baking class, obviously ignoring the fact that there is a scheduled demonstration in the city. It's not as if I was oblivious to it till the last minute, but we decided to go ahead anyhow. I managed to escape a massive roadblock, had to take a huge turn around to get to the road I was headed towards and got safely to our destination. We had a great time cranking out delicious apple pie and pound cake from the oven. In between the baking, we managed to squeeze in some very interesting comments about the state that we are currently in - 3 Malaysian girls with a German lady who has lived in this country longer than any one of us have. But sadly she is leaving the country very soon.

I was hesitant about reaching home safely but I managed to get my way. I guess being a typical Malaysian driver gave me a lot of training for days like this. Plenty of skillful and creative driving in order to reach my destination.

Catching up on news surrounding the whole BERSIH episode is absolutely amazing in this day and age. How could we have seen all the on-ground videos in just a couple of years ago? I appreciate the guts of those who have no fear and willingly march down the streets to share a piece of their thoughts. It's saddening to see how the government is overreacting to a rally, causing so much pain and inconvenience. Look at how the foreign governments are treating Malaysians living abroad who have also participated in the rally from afar. This just shows the difference in the level of maturity. It also pains me to see how some people are so gullible, agreeing that the rally supporters were the root cause of the inconvenience. Honestly I wouldn't ask for a chaotic country as much as any peace-loving Malaysian. I just want to see us living in a cleaner and fairer state.

I am anxious to see how Malaysia can grow out of this state and would love to see my children (and their children) grow up in a better Malaysia.

In case you were curious enough about my baking adventure today, here's the end result of our community effort. A delish apple pie and raisin pound cake. The cake didn't cool down in time for me to try a slice but I heard it tasted more than alright.

How fragile life is

伯母，谢谢你欢迎我加入你的家庭。我会永远记得我们第一次见面的时候，你是很热情欢迎我。

您的逝世是非常突然。我非常难以接受。但我会为你的儿子坚强，我答应你好好照顾他。你安心吧。

我们会永远怀念您。

Gambate Japan

The social media network has allowed everyone who has an account to give a piece of their mind whenever something major happens. I mean, major like the 9.0 scale earthquake in Japan and not a punk abusing his pet dog. I've not made any comments about any of these trending topics on the blogosphere, Facebook and such because contrary to popular belief, I don't have something to say about everything. I feel compelled to say something about Japan now because there is a live broadcast of a charity concert in Hong Kong right now and I cannot bring myself to hear stories about the victims and survivors. It's too heartbreaking. It also scares me to no end, thinking what if the same situation happened here in Malaysia. We are nowhere close to having the discipline, kindness and patience as the Japanese. Even if I was a survivor of a 9.0 scale earthquake here in Malaysia, I will be attacked in the aftermath of the disaster by ruthless beings. That I am sure. In these past few weeks since the disaster in Japan, I only have one thing in mind. How could this happen to such a beautiful country? Of course I'm aware there is no one to blame, even if a certain well-knowned Malaysian lady thinks otherwise. There is one thing that I realise, along with many other people, is that the patience displayed by the Japanese during trying times are extremely respectable. Some haters may say this is the result of the Japanese nation being too disciplined since young, but all of these can easily go right out of the window after such crisis. Very few nations can be truly united during such times and it is indeed a graceful thing to come out of a natural disaster. I may not be visitng Japan anytime soon but I wish everyone good luck and may you be strong enough to move on forward.

If this is what people say are one of those 'signs' of the world ending soon, I wouldn't be surprised and as scared as I was a couple of months back when we first read about mysterious massive deaths of birds and fishes. I've decided that the most important thing is to have my mom and Mr. Bun next to me when the final moment arrives. But if that doesn't happen then there's nothing I can do about it because everyone is dying anyway. I've come to terms that our civilization might end in this century and it's perfectly normal. It's not like we're the first and only human civilization that is wiped out from the face of Earth by a massive flood. We've got plenty of artefacts to show us that many other civilizations before us have also been through this before. It just makes it scarier for us as we are now able to see very clearly and sort of predict when 'the end' is coming. I know, it's not lovely knowing how and when you might die. But if it's going to happen then it will happen. It's just a cycle of life. A few thousand years from now, some highly evolved human beings might find artefacts of our civilization and start researching about us, as how we are researching the cavemen. I hope they find my blog and love it.

E haere rā, Danny

A good friend of mine will be travelling 8,730 kilometres to Christchurch, New Zealand in two days. By the time I'm done typing this entry, it'll be just one day left. He's going carrying one of those holiday-working visas, leaving Bolehland for at least six months. But if fate has its way, he might be going further away and not come back for good. At least that's what I think he'll do... judging from his keen interest in backpacking across Europe.

Abby and I had dinner with Danny last night to bid him farewell and to be honest, I wish him all the best but with a slightly heavy heart. It's just the not-so-nice feeling of knowing someone really close to you is leaving to a place far away and is no longer reachable by an hour's drive or something like that. I know some people who are in NZ or travelling across other continents but they're not close friends so I don't get nostalgic about them. It's not like I knew before they left anyway. Poor dude's travelling all the way (with connecting flight) alone and I would be sobbing like mad if I had to travel that far all alone. But I guess if he's already made the choice then I as a friend might as well wish him all the luck in the world. Let's just hope immigration doesn't kick his skinny ass back to the KL airport *fingers crossed*

We chatted during dinner and it just hit us there and then that the three of us have known each other for seven years. Danny and I spent a short period of that time being housemates and that's the major reason to why he's one of my closest and dearest friends. He can call me a bitch but I still love him to bits. So this post is dedicated to you, my dear friend. Don't be a stranger when you are not near. Keep in touch xoxo















We were 20 and clueless about style. Walkin' around thinkin' we were the hottest bitches in town















Our pseuso karaoke pose



















This was during one of our group assignments and we kicked all the other groups' behinds















Getting ready to have our graduation photo taken















Messing around backstage before we walked out on stage for our convocation















On a tuk-tuk in Bangkok where we both fell in love... with a hot male stripper. Well, at least in awe















Fast forward seven years to last night. Thank god our hair look good now















I'll miss you heaps, darling. Take care

monotone

How does it feel, when you inhale the white mist into your breath? Does blood rush through your veins and hit your brain like a storm? Do you feel alive only when that happens?

I'm no different than you. My weakness is anger. Some may say I'm addicted to it. Too many times I have allowed my instincts to take over and leave me bruised. Time does not allow itself to be reversed because of people like me. Time wants me to learn how to be more patient. I've sadly come to realise the world does not exist in black and white. Being grey is good for survival and I need to start blending in.

The rainbow said hello

I can't quite put into words how my feelings are right now. I feel as if there is no other outlet to channel my mixed emotions than to type this out, since I've chosen not to let my tears spill earlier. It has been an extremely difficult sight to face, seeing tubes of various sizes sticking in and out of his body like that. I'm just thankful he made it out of the operation room alive.

These are times when my thoughts and emotions are severely challenged. I've never been a daddy's girl; we were never too close. Heck, he was somewhat distant from his family for most of his life. He wasn't the perfect role model on how to be a father, but he's still mine. I have no doubt he would be there for whatever he could for me, so I was there today, seeing him into the surgery room and waited till he came out. I felt like that was the least I could do. I think I would've cried if I had to go in for any operation. He was surprisingly calm. I'm thankful I could call in to the office for some time off right now. He's still being put unconcious but the operation was somewhat successful. We need to wait till the bleeding stops before we're certain he's stable. There will be more concerns later on but I think I can only deal with so much at this stage.

What's now etched on my mind was the final moments before he was wheeled in. His weak laugh at the nurses' attempts to put him at ease. For that I'm grateful. I was worried at first that it might be the last that I'll see of him but at least he pulled through the operation. We barely made it before he was wheeled in. Totally my fault. Had a tough time falling asleep last night and when I did fall asleep, I had a tough time waking up. Mom was driving fast and furious at me for being late but when we drove out to the highway, I had a feeling it's gonna be alright. A bright rainbow greeted us and the rest of the working traffic, giving me a ray of hope. Call me crazy but I do believe that someonesomethingsomewhereoutthere was trying to assure me that it'll be fine.

While we were in the waiting room today, I realised there were other people who are faced with equally heartbreaking situations, if not more. That wasn't something that I saw everyday and it kept me silenced about the way I usually viewed my life. I saw a mother dashing into the ICU to see her baby after the doctors summoned her, a wife who was making calls to prepare to bury her dying husband, a daughter breaking news to her relatives that her mother might not awake from her slumber and I'm sure there are plenty other stories from the different people walking in and out of that room. So you think you had a rough day at the office today? Think again.

First we grow up, then we grow old

I sort of chronicled my journey into adulthood on this blog as I started it while in uni and moved on to the working world with my blog in hand. Did not link up to any previous post 'cause I can't stand reading my old rants. Sounds so premature. Bleh! This post obviously adds itself into said rant category 'cause I prolly cannot bear reading through it as time goes. But I can't help myself from typing out my thoughts and then click the 'publish' button.

I guess writing helps get rid of the massive sleepiness I'm having right now. My eyelids are closing as I'm typing. We just moved to a new house over the past weekend and it's been one hell of an experience. I'm tired, sleepy and my body aches all over. There is no way anyone can get me to move ever again. Not with all the furniture and every piece of belonging.

We'll prolly stay here at this new place for just a year. A short remark from my mom got me thinking real hard. It's time for me to get my own place. But the only way for me to move out is to buy an apartment with Mr. Bun. I have no qualms about jumping into the pool with Mr. Bun. Don't get it twisted. It's just the fact that I'm not a big fan of living in apartments. But it doesn't seem like I have much choices since I have not much money.

This year, starting from today, will be my and Mr. Bun's personal journey into familyhood after surviving adulthood for a good couple of years now. We will be taking baby steps, venturing into new horizons that we've never known before, but we know we'll be fine as we have people around us who have made it. Wish us luck! You'll know where we're headed once we have things in black and white.

Nine

Unfortunately my list of the 9 biggest things that I did in 2009 does not feature Penelope Cruz, Nicole Kidman, Sophia Loren and Fergie as the star-studded cast... but you'll have to bear with it. Here's hoping that memory does not fail me...

1) Planned a beach wedding that was not mine - One of my personal biggest achievements yet. There were some incidents in between the project that could've got me all jaded but thank goodness all the perseverance paid off in the end. Learnt how to ignore and not let incompetent bitches steal my thunder. Sometimes you gotta pity them since all they are good at is bringing other people down so they can make themselves look kinda useful. Also learnt a lesson for my future wedding: NEVER have it at the beach!

2) Quit my first job since graduation - It wasn't easy to walk away from a lovable team but sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. It's great to have gained some excellent friends along the way. Now that's something you don't find everyday!

3) Joined the education industry - Not as a teacher, mind you. Still working in Marketing Communications but playing with a totally different game plan. It's been seven months now and I'm just finally getting a hang of things around here. I'm thankful it's a very new place and despite working alone, there is vast and undeniable space for growth. It helps that people here are really nice and genuine too. Sure there are gossips going around at times, but never the "backstabbing to get ahead" kind. Corporate vultures, take note. You might still have time to repent and kickstart a new lease on life. Just sayin'.

4) Became a bridesmaid for the first time - Swan Wui popped my bridesmaid cherry by asking me to be in her ji mui entourage for her wedding. I was apparently, made head honcho since I did a lot of bossing around. Can't blame me, I was born bossy and fussy. I decided all the girls should wear yellow during the tea ceremony, shopped for props that we made the heng dai entourage wear, made some of the props and somewhat organised the bachelorette night. Of course, there were lots of good friends who helped and I didn't do everything alone. I'm not Katherine Heigl from 29 Dresses. Could never be. The after-party proved how great the day went and everyone was beyond happy for the couple. Waiting for babies to come. I wonder if Swan Wui is capable of popping my baby shower cherry next...

5) Started developing lesbian fantasies - Only reserved for Lady Gaga though. LMAO. Seriously though, the Jason Mraz and Lady Gaga gigs were my first two live concert experiences and they were both unforgettable in their own ways. I was literally right in front of Mraz's mic and it was so surreal to catch him up close. How I would love to add the word "personal" into that sentence... I would've traded my mom for a closer view of Gaga, but who I am to beat the Singaporeans to the front row? But her gig was simply electric, despite having to wait over an hour and being squished to death by sweaty, jumping Singaporean teenage brats.

6) Started freelance writing - I've done similar things before but they were very scarce in my younger years and I never got to see them being produced. This year, the ball started rolling with a job that is now officially fucked up and I have disowned a "friend" due to her irresponsible and nonchalant behaviour in the entire incident. It could've costed my relationship with another friend but we are both victims and he's far too noble to put the blame on me. I'm no longer partaking in any activities or gatherings that she may attend, e.g. Christmas gathering this 26th December. Friends ask me why I'm not joining them and I just refuse to repeat the story again because I would seem so immature. What can I do? Force them to choose between me and her? That is so High School Musical. Anyhoo, thankfully something good did come out of a bad situation and I'm now shamelessly whoring my writing services to peeps who need copywriting for websites, press releases, newsletters, bla bla bla. Do email ashley.lsc@gmail.com for details.

7) Learnt how to drive - Tell me seven months ago that I would be driving and I'd tell you that you're outta your damn mind. I am now a certified terror on Malaysian roads, thanks to my lovely and patient boyfriend who stayed beside me while I was struggling to get used to getting behind the wheel, and allows me to drive his car everyday now. Tell you the truth, I wouldn't be arsed to learn how to drive if it wasn't for the desperation for transportation to my new workplace.

8) Wore a saree for the first time - Darshini popped my saree cherry for her big fat Indian wedding. I borrowed a beautiful purple saree from my colleague and Bebe's aunt helped us (Bebe, Deb and moi) frantically tie our sarees on the morning of Dar's wedding ceremony. Obviously, we were the frantic ones because we were absolutely clueless about tying sarees! But in the end she made us look GORGEOUS. Dar's wedding was a sight to behold. There she was, this Malaysian Indian bride with her lone white groom from England, surrounded by her family and relatives. Not forgetting (in Dar's own words) the Mao Ze Dong reformation army marching in behind the bride at the start of the ceremony and scattered all around for the rest of the day.

9) Sold my family's house - Technically it was my mom who sold our house, not me. But I was just trying to make a point. It's been hard for me lately. At times I'd be lying in bed, staring into space and find it weird to think that in a few months, another kid would be replacing my place in the same room. I've been told to get over it but it's kinda hard. I've been living here for about 10 years now. We haven't even found a new place yet. But I'll definitely be blogging from a new place sometime in 2010. Maybe I'll get over it by then. Before that, I'll make sure to blog about the massive amount of stuff that we need to move from point A to B. It's gonna be scary...

Now I wonder what's in store for 2010?

A foxy tale

Yesterday we had quite a scare at home. The security alarm went off in the afternoon and it freaked us out a little bit. Hold on, make that completely panicked. My brother got our cousin who lived opposite to come over to check out the house and he said the door was open and shoes were strewn messily at the front porch. I also got a friend living nearby to wait in front of the house. But she told me everything was normal. No doors were open. But it's not like we had any room to take chances. So naturally I had to tell my boss that I had to leave the office to check on things at home and I took 10 minutes to speed home from Putrajaya. Normally I take a 20-minute leisure drive home after work everyday.

I went in the house with my friend after I arrived. I got so annoyed by my cousin when I saw that things were exactly like what my friend had told me. We hesitated at first to enter but did it anyway. There was no break-in so we concluded that the bugger must've attempted to but ran away after the alarm went off. My neighbours had their houses broken into within these past few weeks, and most of them through the back door or roof.

The police came more than an hour and a half after my mom called. She called immediately after she got the alarm response. They had balls like the size of dried raisins that I pour out of the cereal box that I have for breakfast every morning. We told them there wasn't any break-in but we suspect someone must've tried getting in through the roof. It was obvious neither my mom or myself could get up to the roof and my mom asked them to check. Ten points for those who guessed they never climbed up to the attic. For those who still have blind faith in the justice system in this country, you might as well go drink straight from the gutter right behind your house. If you're lucky, you might just die from E.Coli or something like that. Fyi, they just kept smoking in front of my house and talked about us as if we were crazy and wasted their time coming over. Their ciggie butts are still right outside the gate. One joker even tried to comment that we had a fox up on the attic and the animal probably set off the alarm. Finally one of them just merely stuck his head up to the ceiling opening and concluded that there was no break-in attempts. This stunt, I already pulled off an hour before they reached. Another guy tried to protect their whole police integrity by threatening that they had already checked and we shouldn't spread lies by saying that they didn't check. That seriously left me wondering if they were professional jesters in police uniform. I live in a fucking joke of a country and I'm not doing anything about it!!! This feels even worse than being screwed over by a so-called friend. Somebody tell me why shouldn't we all just emigrate?

Quote of the day

A friendship founded on business is a good deal better than a business founded on friendship.
-John D. Rockefeller-

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There could never be more truth to Mr. Rockefeller's words of wisdom. I had the opportunity to experience the harsh reality of his words today.

Just a few months back, a friend who worked in the events industry got my help to write and design an entire magazine which they specifically wanted to produce for a business awards event. Only a handful of complete materials were passed on to myself and my designer friend (muffin), even after they had postponed the event from the initial date. The event is scheduled to be on next week, but they are still taking their own sweet time to gather and compile submissions from clients till this week. They had wanted me to submit the final pagination and output files by yesterday. So that got to me. I snapped. I had a face off with her bosses (well, through phone calls, emails and text messages anyway) and in the end, the job got canned.

You see, the real problem didn't end there. I got a cheque for the cancellation fee but they pulled off some majorly fucked up shit behind my back. If you hadn't already guessed, my cheque got bounced. I already predicted this even before receiving the cheque. These particular business folks didn't fail to live up to my expectations. They failed to plan a proper working timeline and are now sprinting their way to meet an impossible deadline, but in the end I am the victim.

I bet they must be damn pissed because I initially refused to pass them the unfinished winner profiles. I clearly told them I am only passing them the approved files. But of course they had their own impressions of what I was going to submit. Finally I did send over the files, but this shit is still happening. Methinks their receiving antennas need some major fine tuning. Someone please scoop up their brains and soak 'em in acid before shoving 'em all back into their cracked skeletons?!! A 5-year-old know would know the payment is just for reimbursement of the work that we have already started. These brainless assholes are thinking that the money coming out of their pockets can buy whatever they think they can.

My friend is caught in the middle but I totally believe my anger is justified. I find myself yelling at her for several occasions but I really needed her to listen. They didn't get my point from the beginning, when I tried to manage their expectations of how deadlines for a publication work. It's just plain obvious that they never cared about how things work except for the way they want it to be, which is typically last-minute and without high quality. Although she might be dead trapped between her donkeyballs management and me at most times, there were tons of ways to work in a more organised manner. Clients who are difficult to manage still needs to be managed cleverly. They just allowed everyone to move in a typical Bolehland working pace. It's too late now to say that this day could've been avoided because it already happened. I really need to buy muffin a very nice dinner. Make that dinners. I'm sorry to drag a good friend into this mess. He is such a talented designer but I wasted his time, energy and effort. Thank goodness he has such an open heart. I could never be more thankful. I am blessed too because Bun has so much patience to listen to me curse up a storm about these fucktards.

I so trust that Karma's going to show them what a bitch she is. Holla at me, Karma! *high five*

p/s: Awards are so full of bullshit because honestly devils businessmen just buy them to showcase in a cabinet. What else is new in Bolehland?